THE CROSS WE BEAR

I have felt a lie coming against me--that I'll return damaged emotionally, and that my relationships will be damaged. This morning I wept:
GOD!  I NEED YOUR STRENGTH BECAUSE THIS IS TOO HARD FOR ME!
If I'm going to last one more week I must be able to say like Jesus did, "Not my will, but yours be done.
I desperately need truth from Your WORD to fight this."
The page in my Bible where the 8th chapter of Mark is now has my tear-stains on it.

Mark 8: 34-37
And Jesus called to Him the throng with his disciples and said to them,
"If anyone intends to come after Me, let him deny himself [forget, ignore, disown, and lose sight of himself and his own interests] and take up his cross, and follow with Me.
For whoever wants to save his [eternal, spiritual] life, will lose it [the natural life which is lived only on earth]; and whoever gives up his life [which is lived only on earth] for My sake and the Gospel's will save it [his spiritual life in the eternal kingdom of God].
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his life [in the eternal kingdom of God]? For what can a man give as an exchange for his [eternal] life?

Jesus told His disciples that it was necessary for Him to suffer. Jesus honoured what God his father said--no matter what the personal cost.

It seems much easier for me to listen to God when it doesn't cost too much.
And this mission is costing a LOT.

So in the book of Mark, it says that we ALL have to carry a cross. What is that cross?
OUR CROSS IS TO LIVE AN UNSELFISH LIFE.
Forget about myself.
Lose sight of my own interests.
Lay my life down if necessary for other people and the kingdom of God.
Something inside me cries, "WHAT ABOUT ME?"
God's answer: "I will take care of you, Inez."

Each act of my obedience is like a little seed that I plant.
I don't see any result now.
It just pains me to see it go into the ground, looking like a waste. 
And part of me fears that just maybe, I gave up the good that my life did have.

But I have to WAIT for the harvest.
And if I wait, I will have a harvest--later--of peace, joy, and blessing.
I hear God saying to me, "Inez, DON'T throw away your harvest. Please don't give up."

John 12:24-25
Jesus said, "I assure you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just one grain; it never becomes more.
But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest. Anyone who loves his [temporal, physical] life loses it, but anyone who hates [has no love for] his life in this world will keep it forever and ever.
If anyone serves Me, he must continue to follow me [to cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying] and wherever I am, there will My servant be also.
If anyone serves Me, the Father will honour him.

So--there's a second kind of seed: my own life.
I also give myself as a seed.
I will not be afraid to trust God with myself.
I will give myself away, sow myself as a seed, and get ready to bear much fruit.

Jesus, I will serve You and continue to follow You, I will cling unwaveringly to You, conform wholly to Your example in living and, if need be, in dying. Wherever You are, I will be also. (John 12:26)
Not in my own strength--but only with Your strength in me.
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Not my will but Thine be done
Not my song but Your song be sung
Not my way but Your way I'll choose
In Your life my life to lose
(P. O'Rourke)
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